The Edmonton Eskimos have finally caved under pressure from Canada’s Inuit people to drop its seemingly-offensive moniker in favour of a new name guaranteed to offend a white ethnic group.
Starting in 2018, The Canadian Football League franchise will be known as the Bohunks, a name chosen partly out of design convenience as well as out of respect for the city’s long-cherished tradition of bashing Ukrainians.
“It was an easy choice, actually,” commented an Eskimos staffer on condition of anonymity. “All we have to do is get a yellow magic marker and change the second ‘E’ in the logo to a ‘B’. The CFL, as you know, doesn’t exactly have a huge marketing budget, especially when it comes to design.”
First Nations officials were quick to applaud the move. “We’ve all heard the argument that the team justified its name because they took the ‘eaters of raw meat’ definition to another level,” said one person. He alluded to the Eskimos name, which apparently originated from various Aboriginal tribes, then obviously bewildered over the traditional Inuit diet.
“You know, this is a no-brainer,” said the Eskimos staffer. “After all these years of bashing, at least it’s a given that Ukrainians can take a joke. Those Indian folks, not so much.”