A poll conducted by The Deadmonton Dirtbag has concluded that there’s no shortage of dunce caps to be handed around in the Alberta capital. Out of 100 citizens surveyed, most respondents indicated they know very little about their own city.

Only 24 percent of them correctly identified Don Iveson as Edmonton’s mayor, with the majority of those polled answering Connor McDavid (39 percent) followed by Wayne Gretzky (37 percent).

Edmontonians fared better with recognizing the Alberta premier, although some discretion had to be exercised with adjudicating the results. Those who correctly answered Rachel Notley were at 30 percent, with the majority of respondents scribbling in entries like “Commie Bitch, “Soshulist Tyrunt” and others too obscene to be printed here.

Barely anyone was able to respond with the names of city councillors representing their wards, choosing instead to submit names of their therapists, addiction sponsors or those creepy guys calling the shots at summer camp.

The poll yielded other disturbing results:

  • Most respondents didn’t know that the Fairmont resort chain owned Hotel Macdonald, opting to answer with “Ronald McDonald.”
  • An overwhelming majority of participants couldn’t differentiate between Telus Plaza downtown and the Talusdome sculpture by Whitemud Drive.
  • More than half of them cited Edmonton had only one festival: Klondike Days (although the event hasn’t gone with that title since 2012).

The poll is deemed accurate within 25 percentage points five times out of 20.