The ingredients for green onion cake are simple: flour, water, yeast, chopped green onions, and in the case of Edmonton, a dollop of reactionary resistance.
Efforts to make green onion cakes the official food of Edmonton have been in the works for a long time, including an online petition that’s been in the works since 2013, but only now has the campaign being met with a slow simmer in the form of a backlash from conservative-minded folks.
“This is total crap,” said one detractor. “How is it that we have to adopt some dinky little food thing from China when we have Canadian food here that we can call our own? That what happens when you bring in all those boat people and immigrants here. Once they’re set up, they expect the rest of us to follow their lead!”
“What’s the matter with Alberta beef?” added his companion who found the petition disgusting. “Beef is what made us! It’s the tradition of killing and cutting up a cow before putting it on our plate. What do them Orientals do? Sprinkle flour and whatever. That’s just so gay!”
Ethnicity isn’t the only battle line being drawn in the green onion cake conflict, however. Some old stock Canadians think the campaign is a fabrication of an anti-meat campaign created by leftist lobbyists like PETA.
“That figures,” said one overweight housewife. “It’s just another example of those vegan types trying to shove their own food and values down our throats.”
Supporters of the campaign are bewildered over the reaction, considering green onion cakes are so popular at such events as the Fringe and Folk Festival. They all refused comment out of concern for their safety.
However, one observer commented that given the juvenile nature of the responses, detractors might consider a more rustic delicacy.
“Those guys are so full of it,” he said. “I suggest they sit down and have a nice, warm, mushy plate of cowpie.”