A missing persons report and a bad flight connection were among the misadventures that nearly led to the approval and construction of a Trump tower in downtown Edmonton.

Officials at City Hall admit under conditions of anonymity that Eric Trump, son of real estate magnate and dysfunctional U.S. President Donald Trump, actually held a secret meeting with Mayor Don Iveson and others when he visited Edmonton March 1.

“We were initially excited at hosting a bona fide celebrity,” said the official. “But we knew that something was off when he showed up at City Hall. He looked upward, like he was admiring the pyramid structure. Then he asked us where we buried King Tut. It wasn’t even meant as a joke; he was deadly serious.”

“Another tip-off was what he was wearing on his lapel,” chimed in another official. “He had on one of those adhesive ID stickers that said, ‘If lost, please return to my brother, Donald Jr.'”

It turns out that Eric was with Donald Jr. in Vancouver the previous day to officially open a Trump tower. However, Eric apparently went missing the next day at Vancouver International Airport, where they were to depart on a direct flight back to New York City. Sources say Eric wandered off, apparently looking for a McDonald’s to roughhouse in its Playland Balls attraction, even though the fast food outlet isn’t even located in the airport. While security was frantically looking for the celebrity, Eric mistakenly boarded a WestJet headed for Edmonton.

Shortly after Eric arrived at City Hall, he suggested building a Trump tower downtown, but had issues with the mayor over its precise location.

Said one official, “Trump pointed in the direction of Rogers Place and asked if he could build over there if someone was able to drive that ‘cool-looking flying saucer’ out of that spot.”

A further account had him wanting to build on Sir Winston Churchill Square, thinking it was a vacant property.

“When Mayor Iveson pointed out that it was actually a park, Eric threw a tantrum and ran outside,” said another official. “He ran around the square to urinate on each corner, then trotted back yelling, ‘It’s mine! It’s mine! I marked off my property!'”

That’s when four burly Secret Service agents appeared out of nowhere to pick up Eric and haul him into a black Escalade, which rushed him to the airport.

Oddly enough, the structure Eric had in mind to create wasn’t even an office tower, but a giant letter T, which he said resembled an “awesome-looking symbol” on one of his toy building blocks at home.

“It was impractical, according to the mayor,” shrugged an official. “Iveson even told Trump that it was a novel idea, but didn’t fit the city to a T.”

 

 

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