After complaints from drivers and armchair art critics, the City of Edmonton plans to take apart the infamous Talus Dome sculpture and recycle the spheres as “truck nuts” for heavy equipment.

“It’s a win-win for all,” said one city worker about the alleged artwork tainting the junction of the Whitemud Freeway and Fox Drive. “People were complaining about how ugly that thing was and how the sun’s reflection off that piece of crap became a danger to drivers. But getting rid of that eyesore will create a revenue stream for the city given these tough budget times.”

Truck accessory company Ballz R Us has landed the contract to take the dismantled spheres and convert them into the truck nuts that avid rednecks can purchase and attach to their trailer hitches and rear bumpers. The city will receive a portion of that revenue. However, the spheres are much too big to hang from the rear of a conventional pickup or SUV, but will be available for larger vehicles, such as the gargantuan loaders at the oilsands project in Fort McMurray.

One trucker in the oilsands was ecstatic over the news, believing the novelty will be symbolic of the testicular fortitude of those who toil in the energy sector. “We’ve been through a lot, from the economic downturn to a forest fire that almost destroyed Fort McMurray,” he said. “If there’s anything that demonstrates the balls you need to work here, this is it!”

Other supporters said the conversion of a much-criticized sculpture into a more practical commodity is long overdue. “It’s about time we had something that represents the spirit of this region,” one person commented. “Last thing we need is some sissy artist trying to tell us how to represent ourselves.”

The news is devastating to the Edmonton Arts Council, which commissioned two Los Angeles artists to create the structure. Costing taxpayers $600,000, the Talus Dome was completed in 2011 and has even won awards from organizations no one’s ever heard of. “We’re saddened about the news,” said one official. “It sends a signal that we can no longer freely distribute money to create art nobody wants.”

 

 

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