Wednesday’s federal budget kept a lot of previous fiscal items intact from the sin tax on alcohol and tobacco to exemptions for music class and physical fitness. But a tax break to help make Canadians more physically attractive has the Tory opposition flexing its muscles in anger.
Critics are attacking Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, chief architect of the exemption, dubbed Preen For Prosperity (PFP), of using parts of the budget to reinforce his status as “Canada’s Official Boyfriend.”
Part of PFP is tied in with the fitness exemption that allows Canadians to get into shape in order to eventually emulate the prime minister’s shiny pony physique. But it doesn’t stop there. It also offers incentives for Canadians to refurbish their looks to resemble Trudeau, right down to the flowing locks. Speech and self-affirmation classes will allow participants to learn how to adopt a Don Juan-style of persuasion, including tips on presenting forgivable, lofty airs for broken promises. There’s also an incentive for purchasing designer suits, although it’s only available to Canada’s wealthier demographics. Although not mentioned in the budget, more eugenic applications are allegedly part of this personal reconditioning available to Canadians ripe for a refit.
“Basically, he’s using part of the budget to lure more impressionable and shallow Canadians, mainly women, into the Liberal corner in time for the next election,” said Rona Ambrose, the opposition’s interim leader.
However, some Liberal insiders claim Trudeau’s PFP exemption goes far deeper. “He’s totally self-absorbed by the Adonis image he’s created for himself and he wants to cultivate a following of better-looking Canadians,” said one policy wonk. “Everyone knows that better-looking people get more plum jobs, get laid more often and are far wealthier because looks are everything.”
More disturbingly, one Prime Minister’s Office flunkie, commented that the stipulation only serves to further benchpress Trudeau’s already self-absorbed ego.
“I remember walking into his office one morning to deliver some files,” said the worker on condition of anonymity. “I caught him kissing the biceps of a life-sized poster of him topless while flexing his muscles. He was surprised when he saw me and stammered that he was merely exercising a morning affirmation that’s part of his daily routine.”
Other right-leaning hardliners claim Trudeau’s political manoeuvres and behavior is symptomatic of something far more dangerous.
“I know how smug the left has been when it comes to claiming more right-wingers tend to be Nazis,” said one Tory backbencher. “But if this isn’t a lefty approach to creating a more visually-appealing Aryan society, I don’t know what is.”
Snorted Ambrose, “If anyone ever made a movie about Trudeau, I hope they call it The Nazi Wears Prada.”