In an attempt to distance itself from allegations of animal abuse and bring a ceremonial tradition into the 21st century, the Royal Canadian Mounted Police plans to literally roll out a more updated version of the Musical Ride this summer.

When the revamp is unveiled, most likely during this summer’s KKK Days parade in Edmonton in July, audiences will note a more Paul Blart treatment to the once-quadrupedal attraction. All the horses will be replaced with Segways.

The Department of Justice claims the move will save taxpayers millions in wild oats, while promoting a more environmentally-friendly version of the much-loved sideshow, right down to the elimination of noxious odours and mess of horse droppings.

The national police force could also benefit from a free donation of tires from one corporation, although one condition doesn’t sit will with senior officers. Apparently, they’re uneasy with renaming the force the Uniroyal Canadian Mounted Police.