Once Jason Kenny amalgamates Wildrose under his big-tent Conservative Reactionary Alberta Party (CRAP) and publicly flogs and executes Premier Rachel Notley in the middle of the legislative grounds in 2019, the next step will be making healthcare delivery more traditional.
And by traditional, he means archaic and barbaric, reinforcing the backwards Alberta psyche enough to ensure conservative rule will resume and prosper for generations to come.
Kenney is especially keen on revamping healthcare by reviving mythical Inuit methods for self-preservation, namely throwing its old and sick onto ice floes, whereupon they drift away before either starving or freezing to death or wind up getting eaten by polar bears.
“We’ll save billions this way!” exclaims Kenney. “Let’s face it, we can shut down palliative wards since they’re full of people who are of no use to Albertans anyway. Just ship them off to a riverbank, snare one of those floes, drop them on it and it’s ‘Yippie-ky-aaay, Mofo!'”
The rest of the conservatives are reportedly just as excited as Kenney about the prospect. Even half-witted Senator Lynn Beyak, currently in hot water over her support of the residential school system that killed thousands of Aboriginal schoolchildren, heartily endorsed the Kenney healthcare proposal.
“I’m fully aware that Jason is considering the measure to save taxpayers’ money,” she said. “But let’s face it, the existence of such a First Nations Final Solution of getting rid of its own makes the Residential School system come across like Club Med. Truth and Reconciliation my ass!”
Only the Wildrose Party, which stands to be wiped off the provincial political landscape once Kenney gets his way, opposes the notion.
“What the hell is Kenney thinking with this idea, which is aimed at seniors?” asked super-livid Wildrose Party leader Brian Jean. “Doesn’t the idiot realize that he’s targeting our biggest political demographic?”