With Edmonton Oilers superstar Connor McDavid snaring an NHL scoring title and a playoff berth for his team, owner Darryl Katz knows he has a precious acquisition in his hands. Now he wants McDavid’s precious bodily fluids to extend the franchise’s legacy.

Katz wants to get a hold of the team captain’s genetic material, namely his sperm, to create a future generation of Oilers and establish a lengthy streak of Stanley Cup runs. But to get said material would involve a number of sticky scenarios.

“Darryl knows that the key to success involves more than draft choices and a robust farm system,” says an Oilers associate. “This plan he has would be a third stream that might be potent enough to thrust the team towards another glory period with a succession of happy endings.”

However, Katz realized that he couldn’t acquire those precious bodily fluids via drug testing, which requires blood and urine. He’s currently looking at more amorous ways to extract the desired material.

“Darryl’s a smart guy, he’ll figure it out,” said an insider. “Maybe he’ll arrange a hookup at a bar or something. All he has to do is find a chick who would rather spit than swallow.”

 

Advertisements