It’s hard not to compare the Alberta’s NDP’s unexpected victory over the PC dynasty two years ago with Cinquo de Mayo, which celebrates Mexico’s successful defense against the invading French back in 1862. But while the celebrations are apparently a closely-guarded secret, the scuttlebutt has it that the event will be more fiesta than siesta.
For openers, it’s been reported that k.d. lang flew in earlier this week sporting a sombrero and moustache for the occasion, while Premier Rachel Notley’s handlers insist that she be called “Che” on this special day. Lesbian activist folk trio Petra, Paulina and Mary are reportedly learning to tune their guitars to bang out horrendous versions of Joan Baez protest songs, while the legislature rotunda is being converted into a hootenanny with a campfire in the centre for eagerly-anticipated “Kum-ba-ya” sessions.
But whatever is officially being planned, Notley’s disciples, almost all of them from Edmonton, are gobsmacked about what’s in store. Still others like the fact that they no longer have to take responsibility for their own actions, now that they have a government that will decide matters on their own behalf.
“You know, I’ve heard that the NDP plans to go the autocratic route after they granted special rights to LGBTQ school students and passed Bill 6, which means that farm collectivization is not far behind,” said one dreadlocked dude. “But how can you say ‘no’ to a babe like Notley?”
It’s rumoured that Notley will be dressed to the nines for the anniversary. She’s apparently picked out a uniform specially tailored to resemble the getup worn by German storm troopers, except it will be much more resplendent in a blazing orange hue. Female cabinet ministers will be similarly dressed. As for the entire male party contingent, they’ve been relegated to donning orange sarongs.
Buffet tables will be topped with entirely vegan cuisine, with activist Paula Kirman on hand to strum her protest piece “Marching in the Streets,” after which participants will do a bunny hop dance around the legislature, except in goosestep style.
Kids will be reportedly be entertained by a number of activities, including a reading of Heather Has Two Mommies, a petting zoo consisting of pigs wearing Brian Jean and Jason Kenney masks, and a target range where children can throw recycled cameras at an effigy of Rebel Media reporter Sheila Gunn Reid.
“Notley wants to go for proletarian chic,” said one anniversary organizer. “She wants everyone to be part of the celebrations. That way, she can gauge who she’ll be watching over once she gets an opportunity to rule for life.”