It’s old hat for fans to get the logo of their favourite sports teams tattooed on their butts. But for someone to have an emblem indelibly stamped onto the wall of one’s rectal cavity? Well, that’s dedication.
But that’s exactly what Oilers superfan Colon Crohn did on Friday when it looked like the Oilers were about to be flushed into the bowels of the post-season loser zone. Against the advice of his general practitioner and his girlfriend, Crohn put down thousands of dollars to get an Oilers tattoo inked inside his anus.
“I really wanted to make a statement about fan support,” said Crohn, who is still wandering gingerly after the tattoo session. “I wanted it placed up my ass as a symbol of the crap the Oilers have gone through the past decade of not being able to make the playoffs. It’s a memento that’s literally inside me, and somehow it gives me a feeling that I’m much closer to the team than other fans.”
The procedure required a colonoscopy to find the ideal placement for the logo. Then followed an arduous procedure involving surgical rib spreaders to separate Crohn’s butt cheeks and an extra long tattoo needle to apply the logo. Crohn currently has to follow a post-surgical regiment that involves a totally liquid diet and an application of Polysporin onto the tattoo area via rubber gloves.
“It’s worth it, as far as I’m concerned,” said Crohn. “With this tattoo, I can feel assured that the worst of the Oilers problems are literally behind them.”
Tattoo artist Biff Bucolic was less than enthusiastic about the procedure which involved a very steady hand and working with a gas mask when Crohn’s nether regions were exposed. The curvature of Crohn’s cavity made it difficult to accurately ink the logo, he said, but was satisfied with the results.
“I hope he likes it, but I should let you all know that I’m actually a Flames fan,” said Bucolic. “And he’ll have the ideal tattoo when the tide turns and the Oilers begin to stink again.”