So, how did you celebrate Victoria Day?
Were you among the aging loyalists who sang “God Save the Queen” while your catatonic cousin clumsily plunked out the chords on a tinny-sounding upright? Or did you partake in the ultimate pre-summer long weekend of breaking out the brewskis and burning steaks on the grill while making sure the uncle no one ever talks about stayed at least 10 yards away from your kids?
Alberta Premier Rachel Notley probably wishes she had done any of the aforementioned after realizing the shirt she wore while jogging along Edmonton’s scenic river valley trails created a stir among conservative folks. Most found her t-shirt, emblazoned with a “God Save the Queen” logo (made famous by British punk band The Sex Pistols) not only offensive, but apparently taints the Imperial legacy of the British Empire.
Federal PC candidate Kelly Leitch, no stranger to controversy, thanks to her “Canadian values” platform that targets immigrants as terrorists, called out for Notley’s head upon seeing the image.
“That bitch has already carved out a reputation for creating an atheist, socialist environment in God-fearing Alberta with her draconian farm policies and siding with queers in the education issues they face,” said Leitch, obviously furious, given the venomous drool she quickly wiped off her chin.
“We should do more than just lock her up. This is treason of the highest order and when I’m prime minister, I will bring back capital punishment and use her as an example of trying to undermine our true head of state.”
Provincial PC leader Jason Kenney was equally shocked and said Notley’s choice of wardrobe would escalate any moves to unite the right-wing movement with the Wildrose party.
“It’s now become obvious that we can no longer wait for two years to throw this pinko floozy out of office,” he declared.
“The fact that she’s parading around in public showing disdain for our proud history of British rule, which was instrumental in elevating the status and distinct heritage of Caucasian Anglophones is dangerous to the way of life that conservatives once enjoyed for decades. I’m seriously considering a lunch with Lt. Gov. Lois Mitchell to examine any legal avenues to strip Notley of her Premier title immediately.”
This isn’t the first time Notley has offended people with her attire. In her early days as an MLA for her Spirit River-Fairview riding, she was taken to task for wearing a watch with an image of Che Guevara on its face, an anecdote heavily stressed by Rebel Media hack Sheila Gunn-Reid in her badly-written book The Destroyers.
Gunn-Reid was reportedly severely hung over in her Fort Saskatchewan home, after a night of heavy drinking and a provocative sex chat via Skype with her boss Ezra Levant, when news of the Notley t-shirt surfaced. Neighbours were shocked over her reaction.
“She got one of her kids’ hockey sticks and totally trashed her office with it,” said one neighbor. “Then she smashed one of her empty wine bottles, cut her arm and wrote KILL NOTLEY on the wall with her own blood. I’ve never seen her this way.”
For her part, a spokeswoman for Notley was trying to downplay the hysteria. “C’mon, you’re freaking out with that old thing she was wearing? Seriously, she chose that shirt only because it was a match for her blue jogging shorts. So, get a life everyone!”
The spokeswoman also commented on the inaccuracies made by her accusers.
“And by the way, the image on the shirt is that of Queen Elizabeth II, not Queen Victoria. So do your homework, you dumbass bozos!”