The idyllic village of Vilna, northeast of Edmonton, was the unwitting host to a gaggle of equally unwitting hippies over the weekend. The source of the gathering? Well, it turns out that one stoned member discovered online a statue of mushrooms which he thought was perfect for the group to visit and worship.
“Like, man, I saw this awesome picture online and well, you know, it’s too far to go to BC to get some magic mushrooms, so like, I thought, why not see if we could sample those awesome giants, and like, uhhh, what was i talking about?” said the adventurous youth.
It didn’t help that the spectator were already high by the time they reached the village. many tried to bite the statue, thinking it was the real thing, only to break a number of teeth in the process. Others tried to carve pieces out of it to create bite-size portions only to accidentally suffered self-lacerated wounds. A few managed to climb the structure and attempt to fly off the caps of the statue only to suffer a series of broken bones once they landed.
“This was totally bogus man,” complained one participant, currently in traction at the Royal Alexandra Hospital. “We really thought it was real.”
One local resident, a veteran of many hippie gatherings back in the day, simply shook his head. “It was pretty embarrassing to watch the whole thing,” he said.
“I don’t think it was just a matter of those folks being stoned that was the problem, they were simply just dumb. Not only were the mushrooms simply a statue, they don’t even resemble the magic mushrooms you find on the west coast. Jeez, Ukrainians out here use these types of mushrooms for cooking, and if they get high in the process, it’s always from the booze!”