An advocacy group is pushing for the elimination of drinking and driving regulations, citing the laws as suppressive and going against the spirit of bucolic maverick Albertans.

The lobby organization, Drinkers United for Motorist Behaviour with Alcohol on Streets Society (DUMBASS), calls for a complete overhaul of the Traffic Safety Amendment Act that imposed tougher penalties on intoxicated drivers in 2011. Proposed measures include the elimination of check stops and any procedures involving the acquisition of blood-alcohol concentration data.

“We’ve had it up to here with regulations and the fact that a pinko government is in and more than willing to have these stupid laws enforced has made us sissy laughing stocks in the rest of the freedom-loving world,” said Bud Ranier, president of DUMBASS. “Hell, even the Russians are laughing at us, and they’re notorious for paving their roads from Moscow to Minsk with vodka bottles!”

Ranier points out that intoxicated drivers stand a better chance of surviving a vehicular collision than a sober counterpart. He adds that alcohol is a long-held tradition in Alberta and current laws undermine that spirit.

“I mean, migawd, remember your history!” he exclaimed. “Didn’t Fort Whoop-Up back in the old days help us eliminate that Injun problem? And it doesn’t help that we’re bringing in Muslim terrorists into this province, and aside from the fact they want to kill us all, they also don’t drink!”

DUMBASS was originally slated to have a public meeting last Saturday at Rednex Bar & Grill in Morinville. However, the meeting was cancelled when news broke about Ranier losing his life after challenging a stubborn guardrail on Hwy 28. A shattered, near-empty case of Budweiser was also discovered in his vehicle.

 

 

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