As City Council wonders what to do with the Northlands Coliseum, sitting empty after Oilers owner Darryl Katz managed to con the municipality into providing new downtown digs for his hockey team, an enterprising organization has come up with a solution.

“It’s so simple, I’m surprised no one else has thought of it!” said Barnum Bailey, CEO of the Bailey Organization to Generate Unique Sculptures (BOGUS). “This is a hockey town, and I can see no better way to honour that status than by converting the coliseum into the world’s largest hockey puck!”

However outlandish the scheme may appear, the notion has merit, considering the allure of other unique sculptures in Alberta, from the giant sausage in Mundare to the oversized mushrooms in Vilna, both of which have generated a great deal of tourism for the towns.

Bailey says the idea would be very cost-effect, involving little more than permanently sealing the exits and coating the exterior with black paint. He’s considering homeless people to perform the task in exchange for keeping at least one entrance available to the giant puck, which could double as a homeless shelter.

Mayor Don Iveson was unavailable for comment about the idea, although one wag at Edmonton Tourism was ecstatic over the proposal. “This could actually help us with a new slogan now that we’re no longer the city of champions,” she said. “I can just see it now. At every major highway point that borders the city, we could add a picture of the giant sculpture and add the slogan ‘Have A Pucking Good Time!'”

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